saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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