Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The air was thick with penises
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
