I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
