The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
