so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
