dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
