go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
