The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
