I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
