I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
