Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
