Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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