NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
