I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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