Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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