xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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