No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
