were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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