Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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