I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
