Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
