i don't like sucking hair
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
