She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
