if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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