Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
