He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
