I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
