found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
