6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
