she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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