Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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