we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there is glitter all over my balls
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