I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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