I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
