Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
