They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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