Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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