batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
