you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
