Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
