Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
