There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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