16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
