we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize