so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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