where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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