She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
