When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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