apparently the secret to your success is patron
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
