Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
