Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you win again, gameday.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
