I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
