dude i'm inner monologue high
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
